11:50 - And that's it for my coverage. Thanks for reading!
11:47 - DENZEL! He quickly introduces the Best Picture nominees. Like,
really quickly. And the Oscar goes to...
No Country for Old Men. The Coen brothers quickly come back from off-stage back
on to the stage. Another guy starts talking. It's such a cliche speech. There have been almost
no memorable speeches tonight. There was Tilda Swinton's dig at
Batman & Robin, but...
And that's it. At 11:47, Jon Stewart signs off.
11:44 - Best Director montage. Just in case you were thinking this category is new to this year,
it isn't. And man, many styles of eyeglasses have NOT aged well at all. Martin Scorsese comes out to introduce this year's nominees. Says that the award will mean "so much" to the recipient. So, don't lose, everyone! The Oscar goes to... The Coen brothers,
No Country for Old Men. They don't have a lot to add to what they said earlier. (Heh.) But, the one uses up the time just the same, thanking everyone for letting them "play in their corner of the sandbox."
11:30 - Best Actor montage. Women have always introduced this award, it seems. I guess we learned something tonight! I also forgot Forest Whitaker won last year. Did I even
watch last years show? Helen Mirren comes on stage, looking absolutely regal. "Ambition. Immorality. Greed. Deviousness. Misery. venality. Remorse. Nobility. Generosity. Decency. And good old fashioned cajones." That is how she describes the performances of the characters in the leading actor roles. How can they
not show "I Drink Your Milkshake" during the clips? The Oscars
are out of touch with the heartland!
Daniel-Day Lewis wins for
There Will Be Blood. That is scary music, orchestra! Stop it! I don't want nightmares tonight. He speaks eloquently, confusingly. Rebecca Miller, the lady wearing bows, is thanked. "Thank you, Paul." (?) More thanks, and he's done giving the most
lifeless acceptance speech. Guess who won't be getting any airtime on the morning shows? For shame, DDL. For shame. But, the blogs will have plenty of "I Drink Your Oscar" headlines, so, we're even?
11:25 - Jon Stewart introduces Harrison Ford, who gets
Indiana Jones music from the orchestra. "Movies are made of ideas. And pictures. And words." Profound words, writers. Profound words. The nominees for original screenplay are introduced. Winner: Diablo Cody,
Juno. Hooray! Is she wearing those one-million dollar shoes?
"This is for the writers!" she exclaimed. "I worship you guys." "I want to thank the Academy," she cliches. She also thanks Ellen Page, who I adore. Diablo also thanks her family for "loving her exactly the way I am," before crying and leaving the stage. Aw! I was expecting something pithy, but, that worked too, Diablo Cody.
11:20 - The show has been entertaining enough this year. Sure, it's been kind of boring (*cough*
Once*cough*), but it hasn't been too bad.
11:15 - Enough with those soldiers! Let's have Tom Hanks introduce the full-length documentary features! Guys, after this award, I think we only have 4(?!) awards left to hand out. So exciting! But on a more immediate note, the Oscar goes to...
Taxi to the Dark Side. "Here's to all doc. film makers." A few people clap. "Let's hope we can turn this country around, move away from the dark side and turn back to the light." Ladies and gentlemen, first political speech of the night! Then we get a montage with Elton John. Yessh.
11:13 - Tom Hanks. Jon Stewart jokes that he has "a lot of nerve" being there when he's not nominated. Very true! Tom Hanks introduces special video from Baghdad. Soldiers introduce nominees for Best Documentary Short Film. Nice tough, Gil! The Oscar goes to...
Freeheld. Lady is
crying. Good TV!
11:08 - Amy Adams comes on screen, introduces Original Score by reminding us that famous movie themes are famous. This category is often, if you'll pardon my Portuguese, crappy.
Atonement wins. Dario Marianelli wins. Not
Ratatouille. Congrats, Dario.
You stole the Oscar! And then bores us all. 11:06 - I'm really surprised by how often Jon Stewart has been on stage. It actually feels like he's a host!
11:05 - Hillary Swank. She has the dubious task of introducing the "In Memorium" montage. Yes, another montage.
There Will Be Montages.
No Country for Montages,
Montage Clayton, however you want to say it, there's here and ever present. Jack Valenti died. Laraine Day, Suzanne Phlesete (sp?), Peter Zinner, and many others were honored. Last, but not least,
Heath Ledger.
11:00 - Jon Stewart. Marketa Irglova comes out and get's to say her thank you's for "Falling Slowly." That is terrific. She gives a nice speech about dreams and hope and always having hope, and oh my word, that's not Miranda Otto that's
Laura Linney. Holy cow! They look alike. He introduces Cameron Diaz and her smile. She stutters, I laugh, she does too. She introduces Cinematography. Her arms are looking great! Robert Elswit wins for
There Will Be Blood. He thanks everyone. Daniel Day-Lewis isn't there right now? That's awkward.
10:56 - Hey, that ABC movie
Raisin in the Sun has Audra McDonald in it! Aw, I miss
Private Practice. (Shut up, detractors.)
10:55 - John Travolta's plane's landing lights are on. Ha? Now a montage for best directors? Or, just Steven Spielberg, specifically. On another note, I would pretty much have to get
every. single. prediction right. to tie with Rebekah in the Oscar pool. This calls for an emoticon! :(
10:52 - John Travolta. He presents the category for Original Song. It is his
favorite category. Sadly, he doesn't sing each song when he reviews them. "Falling Slowly" from
Once wins. Why? It was a great song, but I think the others were better constructed. I still like the song, though. He talks quickly, she doesn't even GET A CHANCE TO SPEAK, the poor dear.
10:50 - McDreamy. "So Close" from
Enchanted. Who is that singing? He has a haircut that's kind of like an early Clay Aiken, but messier and a bit curly. And they could turn his audio up, because he's kind of quiet. And his jacket is DOTTED. Black with
white dots. You can't tell from a distance, but up close? Yeah, it's kind of ugly. The dancers are good, though!
10:45 - Jon Stewart jokes about having to restart the Oscars. Penelope Cruz, Selma Hayak's BFF/GF, introduces Best Foreign Language Film. Is that... fair? I mean, she's made some foreign films, but is that typecasting? Or stereotyping... award show presenters? Never mind. All that matters is the winner:
The Counterfeiters".
10:35 - Nicole Kidman introduces Robert Boyle tribute package, honoring his career in design and art direction. Boyle then is led up on stage. Jennifer Garner smile-cries, Daniel Day-Lewis is stone faced. Is that Miranda Otto in the crowd or someone else? And why do old men wear white scarfs? He says that the applause is the "good part of getting old" and that he does "not recommend the other." Heh. He talks for a while. When you can an achievement award, you do not get the orchestra. Viggo Morteson's beard is still kind of creepy. Everybody pretends to be paying attention, while Boyle rambles on about visions and movie making. Polite applause, then commercials.
10:30 - Renee Zellwegger introduces best Film Editing.
The Bourne Ultimatum wins, AGAIN. Considering the movie had about 3 shots per SECOND, I say that the editing team deserves it.
10:25 - Jack Nicholson.
WHY? Cr
eep-y. Introduces a montage for
Best Picture. Year. by. Year. Time to take a nap! Seriously, we go from 1930 to 2007. I didn't think they'd
actually do it, but, yes, they did. EVERY single year.
10:20 - Playing Wii Tennis with a kid called Jamia. Hee! Colin Farrell, who slid across the stage and then complained. Colin, please cut your hair. He introduces a song, "Falling Slowly" from the movie
Once. Good enough. A little... sleepy? But still good. I'm more enchanted by the many, many lights on stage than the song, though. Nice orchestra shot, Gil!
10:16 - Those guys were Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill. Apparently, I am not a "cool" college student, because I did not know that. I should probably go ahead and enroll in the AARP now.
10:10 - Best Actress montage. How can we get this award now? It's 10, and we still have what, another then awards? left before "the big ones." Will Best Film be next? Will
Best Documentary be the crowning jewel of the night? Presenting the award for Lead Actress is Forest Whitaker. His lines are kind of boring, just like the show itself! Oh,
TV.
Wasn't Cate Blanchett's reaction to her own clip hilarious?
And the Oscar goes to... Marion Cotillard,
Lae Vie En Rose. Really? Congratulations, lady! I thought only people from movies that
I watched could win. But, just the same, congrats. She gives a great, typical speechless speech.
10:05 - Jon Stewart is keeping track of who is pregnant. "And the baby goes to... oh my god, Angelina Jolie." Dame Judi Dench and Halle Barry now together. Nope! It's two guys. (Who?) They argue about who gets to reads each other's lines.
I don't know who they are, so it's not funny for me. They introduce Best Sound Editing. Seriously, who were those guys? The winner is the team who worked on
The Bourne Ultimatum. The winners are blanking out, and it's kind of cute. She correctly predicts the music. Then the guys talk again. Continuing with the sketch.
Sound mixing. The winner is the team from:
The Bourne Ultimatum. One of the guys says "And the winner is" instead of "The Oscar goes to," which is kind of funny in a not-actually-funny kind of a way.
10:00 - What would I do if Oprah gave me a million dollars, then told me to give it away, but then gave me a million dollars anyways? I'd be
very confused.
9:55 - Miley "Hannah Montana" Cirus. Hey, what happened to her accent? She had one during the Barbara Walters special...? She presents "That's How You Know," from
Enchanted, sung by Kristin Chenoweth. (Olive from
Pushing Daisies!) Kristin C is completely awesome in every way. And, no offense, but she must be on serious heels or they got small people to dance on stage, because the lady is tiny! (But also one of the most talented talents in the business and a true treasure.)
9:52 - Sid Ganis, the President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. He is here to explain the whole Oscar process to us, in case we are too dumb or too forgetful to know how it works. And they have a
montage to explain it. Yes, there is a montage to explain everything. It's light-hearted and better than past year's sleep-inducing explanations. Jon Stewart remarks "I always thought it was superdelegates."
9:48 - Stewart makes 'joke' about Jack Nicholson getting the audience pregnant. Then introduces Josh Brolin and James McAvoy. They say classic movie lines. Worst Nicholson impersonation ever. Hee! Best Adapted Screenplay winner is:
No Country for Old Men. The Coen brothers finally get an Oscar!
9:45 - Come home to WZZM 13? I
am home, watching it. So...? Jessica Alba talks about the Scientific and Technical Awards. It's the geeky award show that actually is important but no one really cares about, because have you seen it? No. POINT PROVEN. Congratulations, guys!
9:38 - Montage of Best Supporting Actresses. Then Alan Arkin presents this year's nominees. And the Oscar goes to... Tilda Swinon's hair! Her agent has buttocks like the Oscar statuette, or so she says. She references George Clooney's Batman costume with the nipples, thanking his dedication to the art, I think, but I think that was a great time to embarrass him for that movie again.
9:30 - Holy cow, that "Raise It Up" performance was great! Jon Stewart again. He's actually hosting an Oscar show! He introduces Owen Wilson. He introduces Short Film. He talks about how 40- minutes isn't enough time to tell a story. LIE! Most hour-long TV dramas are about 40 minutes. Also, half-hour comedies. But I digress, because I'm more of a TV guy. The winner is...
Le Mozart Des Pickpockets. ANOTHER speech in a foreign language.
And... now Jerry Seinfield as his
Bee Movie character. STOP THE PROMOTION! Montage of bees in movies. STOP IT, PLEASE. This is creepy. Nominees for animated short film. Presented by a bee? Anyway, the winner THERE is
Peter and the Wolf. No lie, this night is not going well for the predictions for either Rebekah or me. We are tied
again, 4-4.
9:25 - Jon Stewart said that Javier told "his mother where the library is." Funny! Jon Stewart talks about montage about binoculars and telescope. It's... actually riveting. There's also a "bad dreams" salute. Funny! He introduces Keri Russel. I didn't know she would be presenting! She's gorgeous tonight. She introduces the second nominated song, "Raise It Up" from her film,
August Rush. It is sung by the choir and soloist from the film. It is good and I am in love with the song. I am
so happy to entertain, it seems.
9:20 - Jennifer Hudson presents the Supporting Actor category. It's kind of a long intro package, to be honest. The winner is: Javier Bardem,
No Country for Old Men. He speaks in Spanish. Did he say a sware word? My audio dropped for a second. In other news, the Oscars have been on for 50 minutes and we just got 1 major award. This is going to be a
long night...
9:15 - Cate Blanchett now, presenting Art Direction. She's wearing a plum purple dress. Daring! The winner is
Sweeny Todd. Joke about Cate Blanchett playing a pitbull, Jon Stewart. He now introduces a montage for past supporting actors.
9:10 - I
loved that "searching eye" MasterCard commercial. Can we make that into a movie, please? DWAYNE "The Rock" JOHNSON presents award for Best Visual Effects. His joke about
Indiana Jones had me laughing, but not anybody in the audience. Too bad, so sad. The winner is:
The Golden Compass.
9:00 -
Happy Working Song from
Enchanted now. Amy Adams singing. I never saw
Enchanted, so this is all new. This is kind of a cute song, very classic-Disney. Montage of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas reflecting on Oscar wins. Folks, this is an artifact of "Show B," the alternate Oscars show that was planned in case the writer's strike wasn't done in time for this show.
8:58 - Brad Bird's acceptance speech about his junior high guidance counselor was priceless. "What if movies didn't exist?" "I'd have to invent them!" Katherine Heigl now. Why? She's presenting the award for makeup.
La Vie En Rose wins. Rebekah and I are now tied in our predictions, with each having 2 right and 1 wrong. And orchestra, that speech didn't even last 20 seconds? Give them a break!
8:55 - Jon Stewart now. Making a iPhone/movie experience joke. Introduces a presenter. Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell, who are starring ina movie together, if I'm understanding correctly. "You never cease to amaze me with your constant need for attention." Ha! Sorry, I'm going to be saying that a lot. Skit about Carell thinking they were introducing documentaries. It's kind of cute. And the winner is...
Ratatouille!
8:50 - George Clooney now. "Hi, you guys." Are those shadows under his eyes? That is a
huge screen on stage. "But the one thing that has always been consistant -- it's long." And that takes us into a clip show for past Oscars. It was funnier as a VH1 special. Celiene Dion plays on the soundtrack.
8:45 - Jennifer Garner is the first presenter. (I love her...) She also looks good tonight. She presents the Costume Design category.
Elizabeth: The Golden Age wins. And that is THE shortest Oscar speech ever. She practically said "thank you" and walked off. Crazy!
8:40 - Stewart now talks about nominees. Some good laughs. Audience seems to be receptive this year, surprisingly. "Too often the Academy ignores movies that aren't good," he said of
Norbit. Hee! Oh, Dennis Hopper is here. Good thing he knows that now! (He was in season one of
24 as Victor Drazen.) Joke about Iraq movies gets lukewarm response. Same with democratic joke.
8:35 - Stewart references WGA strike. "Welcome to the makeup sex." Ha? Then talks about the cancellation of the Vanity Fair party, and how writers wouldn't be there anyways. Okay, that was kind of funny. Then talks about this year's batch of "Oscar-nominated psychopathic killer movies." "Does this town need a hug?" HA!
8:32 - Sponsors. Then, Jon Stewart. Let's see how much people hate him this year!
8:30 - The 80th Annual Award Show is starting. A computer-animated sequence. Really? A homage to
Cars, Transformers, monster movies, Hulk, and now just every movie period, really. It's a scary night to be in Hollywood. Apparently.
8:28 - How does Jack Nicholson always get the front row seat? This is an award show for people nominated that year. This isn't the White House press briefing room, and he is not Helen Thomas.
8:26 - Did they really need three people on ABC to host a half-hour special? Especially when lots of the red carpet stuff was pre-taped?
8:20 - Ready and waiting for the show to start. The actresses are wearing a lot of red tonight! Also, did you all see that dress (Daniel Day-Lewis's date) with all the bows? What
was that? More in a bit, when the show starts...
Photo courtesy of Warner Bros.
